A new day A new life

2007-12-10T22:09:00.001+02:00

my new blog is at
http://kfhsmind.blogspot.com/
please have a look and enjoy

when angels meet evil

2007-07-31T15:26:00.000+03:00

if Angel eyes fall upon evil eyes

and the eyes of evil look upon floor

and his will is broken and he can't look back

the evil curse on his soul has been broken by love

in his soul starts to heal even though evil is still in control

and as he raises his head and looks at this Angel

tears flow down his face for sorrow of his deeds of the past

with fury and rage he will destroy this place which his mine rests

a feeling of being disturbed and unrest works out to violence

but love forbids him to hurt a soul bled inflicts pain to himself

and sees Angel looks and feeling through her eyes and he stops

it cools down and sits down and finds a place of peace

in the last breath of evil leaves his chest

to this man of once evil becomes weak to this power

the power so strong that evil itself was scared

love this man in love is in the its place of control

"this angel" he cries "my love to you has made me weak

But it's you who may me want to be a better being

And I thank you oh sweet lovely soul"

and the angel nods her head and smiles with the flare

"and what you must do, his wait" she replies with a voice of singing birds

And he sits waiting and watching every one flyaway

even though it was only here he felt a long

and he dreams of future days where the angel returns

true face, angels of hate

2007-07-27T00:59:00.000+03:00

if in death i will find peace

all given to fate's wish

and sit to wait to find peace

as the wind passes by

a chill goes down my spine

is it you angel of death

i have been waiting for this day

in my past i have been visited

by another angel, the angel love

and she tricked me into love

what seems like happiness but was not

it hurt me and caused me pain

and i became weak and fell to my knees

that was a dream of happiness that felt good

then i woke and recognized the nightmare

and as i looked up at that angel

she laughed at me and mocked my way

i left me alone to find my way

so i called you and asks for your peace

and here you are once again another angel

a liar, a jester, a con, just left in our face

such a daemon that has been given the wrong name

because we are just humans with limited brains

that you can lie and con and get away

if you will not help me find my peace

i shall make my life goal to show to wrong

and that to a face you hide so well away

gives me peace or go away

for you shall be the first to feel what you made

a beginning that is empty and filled with hate

and until there is no more hate

fighting angels shall be my chosen fate

a cry of truth

2007-07-19T17:23:00.000+03:00

if i live i cry, but if i die i will lose
crying, lose, it all the same
lost and confused about fate
obstacles fill my way
for every brick wall i brake
another one is not to far away
no rest in this place
all i want is a brake
crave for happiness that is so far away
days come and nights go
and the pain does not fade
a sound that's in the air
is a song of happiness
that tells a story which i hate
an angel here but is so far away
and my soul is empty
and my heart still bets
and does not stop at this time
no matter how i try
my mind does not stop and sleep
and sleep lost its worth
days so long and night longer
with only day dreams of lost hope
and my blood is red and filled with hate
and spill it shall flow all away
until there's nothing left
and i become an empty shell
at the shore of the ocean of pain

count down

2007-07-18T15:45:00.000+03:00

hands shaking, heave breathing, nicotine craving
nerves sending singles to my mind making it work over time
doubt and worry of whats unknown
no concentration at all no piece of thought
vary time consuming, no way of running
energy depletion, sitting thinking alone
sleep deprived from non-stop thinking
coffee the only thing that keeping me alive
can't eat and feeling like i can't breath
giving up the fight the unrested mind
giving into this place of my mind
feeling bad but not depressed just unrest
all the different kinds of questions at thing time
predicting a future, preparing my self at this time
hopeful for peace within my mind

dreamless

2007-07-13T01:28:00.000+03:00

a man can only dream of what he does not have and desires
and only when he feels it close and with in his grasp he will stop
and i have had dreams for a thousand and one nights
the same thing the same way as in real life, not change
in thousand dreams at night where i felt so great and i slept
so perfect, so sweet, an angel from heaven for man to wish for
but i dream no more for love for you're in sight
i seek no more i now its right
i want no more just you at my side
one world, one place, one truth, and there is only one you
so rare and nothing shines so bright
i only hope you can accept me for what i am
but dreams come true and you are Prof
sorry for what i do but is not right but
just looking at you makes me feel like becoming a better person
because you are so perfect and i am but just a human

the first angel's walk of the clouds

2007-05-31T19:36:00.000+03:00

an empty place no one around not even a sound
walking alone praying to god for a chance
and my angel appears in front of me
my nerves are shocked and i can barely stand
i open my mouth and say what i can
a moment feels like my life time that pass by
and an angel looks into my eyes
and the smallest word comes out that bundles my mind
nerves high but calm and time goes by and i feel like if I'm flying
every word rings in my mind every movement makes me think
the angel hides the truth and her feelings
she knows why and i feel that she likes the idea
the angel is shocked as much as i
my angel unable to continue and the guardian that by her side
the gardian say what my angel can not saybecause
its not what she believes and she feels a different way
she looks at me and can't speak and looks away and
says what she says and i look and i look and i cant believe
that i am finally here i broke the silence
and my curse of sleepless nights and hope
for forsaken dreams to fade away a true
flower of the desert that i have gained the small
of achievement and i am finally so happy
and i thank my lord and kneel to him for
helping me reach, and becoming a knight and meeting my queen

passion of love

2007-05-30T16:36:00.000+03:00

oh Palestine the land of our hopes
i cry out for you, and we all give you our love
the blood of our martyrs on your soil
i ask for your ability to wait for your freedom
our blood runs free and murders have control
the wounds of our martyrs release blood around this corps
but that blood is spilled for you Palestine, its only
what little we can give for our true love is in our souls
i beg you to wait for all we have is you
our land, our hope, our free blood that flows
we have lost another to you, but i shall not
not be angered by his death but i live with pride
for another martyr has died for you
take my soul if you please if thats what you need
let our blood flow with our love for you in your soil
not a tear will run off my face for i know
you see and know our pain but is all for you
in the hands of god goes the martyrs soul
we wait for your freedom, we know it will come
and we stand here strong and will not kneel
to the murders that occupies you
my soul with you oh martyr of last night
your death is only our rebirth of love for your cause
Palestine the land of our free blood of love

" this is for the martyr omar from bir zeit university that died on 29 of may 2007 (allah yarhamk ya shahed phalestin"

angels at night

2007-05-27T16:15:00.000+03:00

cant sleep at night, my mind wont let me sleep
son as my head hits the pillow i am in a world
that excites me my angel sits before me
where the is no limits for me, i spend the night
thinking of different possibilities if one thing
is for sure it what i want, but i cant reach
i only hope that the late nights will stop
being dreams and will become reality
such beauty, not a norm of reality
i sit there waiting to sleep but sleep never comes
my energy is sucked right out of me
but i get up in the morning not sleeping
just to be able to see this angel of such beauty
i cry out to the heavens and ask for help
the help i need to make dreams come true
from the present to our future to become reality
so tiered but i love this day of so much joy
without any pain but for the fact of seeing
seeing such an angel but staying so far
i do not miss sleep if its for you oh angel of mine

the wrong feeling

2007-05-26T15:54:00.000+03:00

i have not done any thing wrong
but i have felt so guilty for what i have done
it does not feel right and only if you knew
i would not feel so bad and wrong
love is one place where nothings known
crying out for forgiveness even though
nothing is done wrong please forgive me
its been eating me up for so long
only thing is, i don't know what wrong
i have done nothing right or wrong
i have had sleepless nights of guilty conscience
your my queen and my angel in my presence
i look at you and worry for i fear to loss you
thinking about you all the time playing back momories
and possibilities of what may happen in the long run
just thoughts that have been eating me
for my life is meaningless without you
all i want is the test of time
an ability to show you what i love about you
crying out at the heavens asking for an answer
but i know that the angel that is you
is the only one who will answer me
for god has sent you to me to show me
this worlds different possibilities
i will try to stay calm and and not cry
for what is wrong and i realize
now what is wrong for i die but my
soul lives long with you at its side
for ever i ask you to forgive me

alternate life

2007-05-08T18:37:00.000+03:00

sweet angel sitting a cross the room
its summer and its hot but i am burning up
these feelings i have are so much more then
just feelings, passion, i feel the heat of love
a silent cry out across the room of love
i cant seem to remove my eyes and if i'm correct
nether can you, a shine and beautiful smile
a dark and tranceing eyes
skin so smooth and clear that fits a queen
you wave paper in your face like a fan
so delicate in the a way that makes you the queen of air
and i only want to breath, nothing more
you have been a drug in my blood
i just cant get enough, if you tear
one tear you shall cause such misery
you always sit like a queen at the head of the table
surrounded by your followers that will protect you
i only wish i can be the king that fits you
unbelievable looks that turned me your way
but its not what makes me feel this way
its the fact you act the way you do
i feel you like too but too proud and in control
to let me know i must suffer here and thinking away
your testing me waiting to see if i am you
knight in shining armor that deserves the hand of the queen
oh sweet angel do you see the world i have to live through
liking you and loving you with out knowing you
why do you thing its so hard to talk to you
but know that i will do any thing for you your my angel
and i will show you what you mean and hopefully you will
accept me for who i am and let me just be all
i want to be with you as my queen at my side

changing times

2007-04-24T18:01:00.000+03:00

standing lost without a road
in the mid of a desert with no where to go
choices and hope of finding my way
but lost until i find the desert flower
such beauty, so calm and quite
a beautiful smell and lovely look
one flower with in a bush of thorns
poison drips from the thorn warring off
those who may think of it and want to take it
but the truth is i want it and i must try
i don't know how but i shall
so i sat and thought of what may happen
forsaken dream and restless nights
crying of silent soul out of sight
please my angel help me find the way
the thorns fade away and i think its all right
but when i think is the perfect time
new things shock me and things change
new problems in my way never free
of thinking how or when is the right time without
things changing through time and the soul
for more i know the more i fear
try to ignore but fail the sight of a flower
the light of a perfect soul, silent hidden away
time will pass and things will change

hell

2007-04-14T20:43:00.000+03:00

times has passed and things have changed
people change but places does not
what we thought was right is now wrong
i have been to hell and i came back
but my self after so long in the same place
a place i hate where hells gates opened up
and pulled me in to the dark pits
hell was not a place but a set of mind
but i did not cry i held my stand and won the war
and these scars will never fade away
i look at my self every day and i see those scars
a reminder of those painful time
now on the two year eve i have been
placed in the same place where i have a choice
to run away or go to the gates
if i do go to the gates i can keep them closed
or open them wide to the world and walk right in
in to hell and fight my fight with out a fear
learning from my past the scars of life
a lesson that i now don't mind but i still wonder why
why i went through such hell to reach the same place again
now i hope to control this and become the power of my fears
i shall call out and ride my ways there to those gates of hell
where i will make my finial stand once again
do not fear i shall win i am better now more then ever
cry oh keeper of hell gate i shall raise my own hell

what if, but i know

2007-03-16T20:29:00.000+02:00

if the stars all go out at night
and the sun does not rise again
and nothing that was constant is the same
but i know my heart will still beat
and if it stops it simply fixed
the sight of you jump starts my heart
and brights up my day with out a sun
and the night is bright with stars again
with out you what will there be
to me nothing is with in my sight with out you
i sleep always thinking of you
and the idea of you is always there
when i wake up in the back of my head
because of the dream that i know i had
everything is alright because i see you
and what scares me is the idea that
you'll not be there one day
that dark and gloomy day
but your not gone yet your still here
that if your not in my sight i still will see
because there is not one day i live with out the sight of you
i hope nothing changes all stays the same
i am happy just the way it is

forsaken dreams

2007-03-13T17:11:00.000+02:00

inside a dream i am filled with a fear
and in here these dreams of nights
set worries i thought about
where i have no control and my minds has all
it shows me what i don't know
why on these past few nights i have dreamed
i don't dream but i have i cant stand these nights
they set hope that i fear the most
oh hell i hate the night, comfort me
oh angel of mine be kind and save me from this fight
wipe my eyes when i wake up at night
world of mixed feeling and crying at night
for the devil is within my soul
hurting me for what i don't hold
my angel appears and the devil takes control
in these dreams it just is not right
hold my hand it these dreams a fight for
our feelings that are with in our souls
for this feeling is much more powerful then
this devil that wont let me free from misery
i hope you see this effecting me for when i wake
i think of you so that i can clam down within inside
for you are the only thing that makes me happy
and can not forget that fact or i will die
your my angel and the reason of life
e will both fight this devil and win with our happiness to night

Silent

2007-03-13T16:51:00.000+02:00

oh silent days and silent nights
where we cry out without a voice
feeling so far but so close
our voices have no sound but actions tell it right
the right move means more hen life
a smile sends out hope to my life
so i kindly smile back with out a doubt
and though out the day we play our games
with out a voice, and it feels right
and it bothers us that vary night
can not sleep can not stop thinking that night
i spend the night thinking what would i say
with that voice i wish to use but the truth
nothing feels right so i sit and think some more
and finally sleep on another silent night
i wake up and see you again and sitting here feels
so right but so wrong for it is silent and want more
and once a gain i decide to write
these cryptic feelings of my soul
hoping one day and i mean today to brake the silent fight
but for now my soul flows like ink on this page
the feeling begin the same and that the way it ends
but i will find a way to brake this silent lock
all with one hit it shall end
oh silent days and silent nights

angel's fate

2007-03-07T13:14:00.000+02:00

siting in front of fate
wishes are great
and dreams are nightmares
when angels wait for some thing great
but how can one know what is fate
are wishes, what will be answered
or dreams that will become real
siting here deciding fate
a wish for the angel's help, a sign
that i cry for a look of the angel
and those eyes of an angel with a look of love
and i sit here looking in those eyes
wishing for time to never go by
i now wait that time of fate where
i find out my fate, and my place
i cry out to you oh angel of mine
today should be the day let me and test me
never crying angel why should we wait
though time it is harder and filled with pain grows larger
i count the seconds and the minuets i wait
i know that time is not limited
but i can not wait no longer, i cry for help
oh lord who sends this angel, answer my calls
i don't know what i shall do with my time
only sit here waiting, the wish, the dream
just the answer of fate, and if i see
that time arrives i will not hesitate
its been so long for me to wait
but until that time i will wait

pushing me forward

2007-02-27T08:01:00.000+02:00

to unknown worlds we have come
dont know where i am
lost in the space of time
confused at whats right and wrong
many way in front of me and no signs to point me
lost at a cross road not daring to make a move
then you come to mind and then i start to make a choice
making choices base on you and our future, my future with you
the world may come to a end
but do i even care as long as i have you
crazy world crazy place to live
but i love it so much the place and the one person i am in love with
i thank you all from the past you made it possible to know
know true love as it comes walking by and i was lucky to find it
dont worry now its not far and then we will have a future together
and i will prove my self to you
your only an angel
i think of your eyes and all the sudden i am in fairy land
i will say here as long as i can good

the soul gates and tears

2007-01-24T19:43:00.000+02:00

the soul deep with in knowing every deep and dark secret
the mind does not accept but the soul knows
the tears are every thing the soul hold from you the hidden truth
with one tear a story of life is said strait from the soul
filled with feelings so far with in, where its cold no light to grow
the eyes the gate to the soul here you can look right in
the connection of tear and soul where hidden want lay to be seen
but who sees the feelings of my soul, can not be read by the naked eye
but through the eyes strait in to your soul is where you can see
i have read you from with in a story of feeling of being misplaced
dark filled with gloom of loss of some thing dear to you but you gained back
in that place is a light i hope to reach and enlarge bigger then the dark part
and i don't know have you seen my soul, will if you did you will know
this feeling is from within not false and not fake the soul does not lie
and if it takes a tear i shall cry for you to see and give you flask of my soul
if i can only show you what i feel but i don't know how to show it i will tell you
that it Can not be written by the hand and can be said by the mouth
there is no way i an show you but for you to look in to my eyes and see
but if you do i will be looking in to yours and i may not allow you to leave
i cant tell you what this means for me but soon our souls will be one
i hope oh god will you please let me see what i need to see to let me be

a spin in time, another place

2007-01-18T22:24:00.000+02:00

i though up my hands and take a chance of fate
today i will know what will happen, it does not bother me
i think what will happen is meant to be
a yes or a no, i don't care as long as i know
you're an angel you will know what to say
as long as you promise me to forgive me
sweet sour truth i am willing to take
any thing but this life of douts and dreams
nothing will hurt me as long as you know what i feel
blinded by the want to talk to see you smile in my face
in this world i only ask you once and in heavens again
liking is where it started but in the end i don't know
may be we are not meant to but that is OK with me
for i have thought a life time to find out what is this
this feeling within the days and nights of the time i got a look
in your eyes i saw the sky fill up with stars and
you shine so brightly unlike others i have seen
i just hope you can be OK being with such a mess up like me
and if you don't i hope the best for you because
i don't deserve you,if not the best you should never get
because the sun shines so bright and you should
get what is the and not me there is no
greed and i hope you can see it just a little
hope in my soul and whis for your happyness
just for give me, dont judge just forget please

blah blah blah ... did i just write some thing???

2007-01-16T23:18:00.000+02:00

looking at you and i wish i can ask you a question
is it true what i think is true that you feel the same way i do
is it me once again wishing to much and seeing a dream
i have so much that i like about you but i still don't know you
if i can only get to know you just talk to you
the odds are against me i think that is true
there is nothing more that i want to do other then get to know you
looking at an angel like you is not all i want but if i only talk to you
i once thought i knew the feeling i have felt but now i started doubt
i don't know what i felt in the past and i am not sure about that i feel now
but i know its new to me and you are some thing i never thought about seeing
i can believe my self how much you amaze me i gaze at you and you steal my breath
don't ask me how or even why but you do i go through so much pain just to see you
today i went beyond the healthy limit and when i like at you you completed my day
with that smile of your it warmed my heart and made me forget my pain
i just am scared of being hurt again but that's a lie i fear for some thing new not like before
what if you do like me back this will be new to me and i will lose all thought with in me
for i have played it in my head, that day i talk to you, hopeless strained
not knowing what to do but look in those dark beautiful eyes of our and i know
i think not a word will come out of this mouth of mine for your beauty makes
me forget everything even my self my name and what i want to say to you
for this i have lost the words nothing comes to my mind good night
i will see you tomorrow morning at 9 like i always do the best thing in the morning is you

secret confession

2007-01-09T22:58:00.000+02:00

i sit looking at you, for hours a day
just here wishing to talk to you
looking at you has been driving me crazy
i now am drunk, drunk of your beauty
i feel so weird just taking a look at you
you make me happy and high on joy
if you can only see your self such beauty
i can only wish i can tell you what i feel
and as the day goes by i start a sleep
you wake me up and make me smile
i stay happy hoping to talk to you
and as the day ends i start to feel down
do to the fact i have not talked to you
i failed once again i want to cry
i feel when your away that i may die
it takes me time to forget the pain
and then i want to sleep but can not
i can not stop thinking about you
and planing to talk t you and that's the truth
and sleep and dream to the thought of you
which makes my rest so perfectly
i only wish you can see this and i
talk to you for i do this one day
but i fear it will come to late

i was not ment to see?

2007-01-09T06:00:00.000+02:00

as i walk, by the chance of god, i saw what i saw
my past with a new future, and finally in rest
so nerves that it was funny to see
i thank the lord for i am free
no more fear no more running away
the end of all those dirty games we use to play
freedom of the mind no more worries of the past
i must say i am glad for that
now that i can move forward i shall run that way
this is one happy day but i don't know
how long it shall last, for now i shall live the moment
the smile of freedom is great today
good-bye of wight of my past
may god be with you finally and at last

hurting her

2007-01-05T13:11:00.000+02:00

such pain, so much fear, the stench of death is in the air
chills down my spine and i am in fear
of what may be next much worse then now
oh stop this pain and the fight we are all one
we are Palestinians we all have a cause we are one
simple differences is not enough to fight
if not for my cry for you, the cry of Palestine
that love all of you, your her children in the streets
it hurt her to see what we are doing to your self
for the love you have for it stop the fight
the blood of tear run so deep in the streets
stop it hurt our love of our Palestine
don't let continue it hurts so much
i fall a sleep a wake up to more death stop
stop your are all one
one land
one great love
one fight
freedom is never in sight of if we stay they way we are
for your children the children of Palestine stop now
i beg of you no more please it hurt to see
we are killing out beloved
oh Palestine forgive us we are blind
we are blind from seeing our true love for you

"Palestine my one and only true love"

away

2006-12-31T00:54:00.000+02:00

it was only yesterday i have seen you but feel like i have not seen you forever
i can stand being away from you for i want to spent my whole life next to you
every second away from you feels like an year away from you and i feel down
i almost want to cry at the sight of you walking away from me it hurt within me
does this sound impassable but i can truly say i do feel this way about you
the sight of your eyes are one of my most favorite things about you and you know
the eyes are the gates of the soul where i sit waiting for a replay from you
just looking in to your soul i wish i can stay here so warm and so beautiful
this is how i see your soul and no one can change what i think of you i can see you
no need for others to destroy what beauty i see within you for they are blind
and filled with jealousy because i have found an angel and they can not see the beauty
if you where to talk i would listen to every word of your voice is music to my soul
some time filled with happiness and some time with sad songs i wish to help you
push all your problems away and just listen to heavens birds sing way with a song
a song of the soul that makes me fall so far away from the problems of the world
and now can you see why i hate being away from you do you see now why i do
i do not like you going away from me but i can say its only a dream that
you put me under and when i wake up you will for sure walk away from me
it just too good to be true you must be an angel that save my soul for the time
your with me and i must wait for your return because the best Way to miss you
is to be away from you so that i can say i miss you and don't go away from me
MY ANGEL

angel from with in the light

2006-12-27T22:11:00.000+02:00

if i try to not care i will fail to do so
because when your in the room i do care
i cant stop my self i have tried but failed
just the sight of you drives me crazy
for you are an angel in my eyes
from those deep brown eye that i
get lost in looking at you to that hair
that you so deeply love and i love too
and when you smile the world fades away
no one and nothing else but that smile of yours
i never seen a face like yours it makes me happy
too see you but when you go i fall down a hole of sadness
i have never seen a girl that makes me feel like you do
there is nothing i know that will stop me but you
and i hope you don't because it will hurt too much
for this heart of mine i don't think i can say i will be OK
unless your with me my angel the one that i see in front of me
every where i go your in my mind i just cant stop thinking about you
good bye and good night and if i die i will will see you in heaven this night

to my love, i cry

2006-12-26T11:57:00.000+02:00

that thing that i always love that thing that loves me back
has now made me ashamed of my self more then ever before
tension in the air one word wrong and things change
we fight against your self's for control and we lost the goal
a war that i have never seen before like this one
i have never been a shamed of what i am but i have learned
i feel sorry for you my love i hope you can handle this
this human action that makes us animals but
animals don know disrespect each other like us humans
i don't know what to do or what to say for i am here
and can do nothing to to save you from your suffering
my love i have failed i sit here hoping you can forgive
not only me your people that can not see for they are blind
blinded by words of a few and the guns of others
a few black seeds in the garden that destroy kills the flowers
forgive them they do not see i am here willing to suffer
waiting for you to be freed but as i see we fight each other
and shall never be freed but i have hope and believe in you
my love, my land, my beautiful Palestine

I LOVE MY LAND PALESTINE

my one and only true love

on my way

2006-12-08T12:31:00.000+02:00

as i move through life i look at every as it move by
nothing worth taking along on the ride
the souls i meet let them sit by looking at me as i pass by
i will not like to say here no more
if life is a circle then i am at the start no more wait
its time to move to a level and new place
i was dead in the past and i still not alive
dieing in the night with out a want to die
crying in light for its to bright
siting in the same place waiting to die
and then an angel came by
i got up and followed that light
just let me see you one more time
for the first time in my life i feel alive
but like i said i die at night the angel flies way
the only thing i have are memories the angels beauty
the face that smile, those eyes i will to see them cry
and if i am so right maybe in death i will see it one more time
but i will be alive he next day just to wait for the angel
i wish i can stop it and just ask a few questions that i like to ask
but for now i will stand up and walk away
but maybe i return this way life is a circle no way of escape.

waiting for a ride

2006-11-28T16:19:00.001+02:00

hands spinning around, no time in this place
before i sit down life has passed by and away
nothing new, nothing changed, starts and ends the same way
crying here, crying no, out for help but is all the same
i see some beauty the only way out of this loop we call life
away to change a way to beautify this place i call life
there is a long distance a hard way to go far from here
i start on my way and i get close it it then all in the blink of an eye
it was far again fight my way back but hard was the road this time around
i am far again and asked for help but know one can but for one
and they are far from what i need and can not help
so far way from the place i started from sitting here
sitting alone in the dark back at the beginning of the road
nothing new, nothing changes, same as i always been
cry out now i will not change for life does not want or like to change
sad thoughts enter this mind and hopes disappear until i am blind
no change just the same far way from hell i am shamed
for i have not been able to reach haven and cant go to hell
bye oh bye to these thoughts of my mind cry away
like if i am died here not to change good bye

blank

2006-11-12T16:43:00.003+02:00

not a thought runs through this mind of mind of mine
no sound as i cry out and nor does a tear drop from my eyes
no pain now that i am hurt no happiness from my joy
just a blank piece of paper with nothing on it nothing but every thing
i just know one thing that am here but where is here
i ask my self allot but i don't know am i in heaven or is it hell
where ever it is i know that i am here doing nothing
and every thing i do is for nothing why try to
no feelings nothing at all just being when wanting not to be
no feelings no goals no plain and not a thought that i can grab
the rage seeps away and nothing fills its place
the love i have for my self missing but no hate
i dead but i still breath and my heart beats
i scream but there is no sound for me
i show some thing that is not there for things i don't care
i try to be what is necessary but does any one even care to ask me
what i had hope on has passed away
my love that i have only cause pain
but only if i can feel this feeling i talk about
i am full of shit every thing i talk about is worthless
no more god i can Handel it no more just let me go
make me what is need to be normal or dead its all the same to me
just don't leave me in this place i am in your power know me
and let me see that i can be some thing instead of being nothing
i am sick of being what i am nothing in this world
some thing that lives and dies with out a point
an insect on its way one day alive the next dead just put me in its place

with out the morning there is no day

2006-11-01T09:47:00.000+02:00

this morning was dark with its sky filled with clouds
the true beauty of the morning was hidden by the darkness
i peek throw the clouds and see the morning so filled
so beautiful and bright, it shines throw the clouds
and brightens up my day and makes me forget
beauty of the morning makes me think that i will make it
just another day hoping that i can see the morning beauty
another day and hope the clouds don't block my way
i wish only that i can talk to the morning
and convince the morning to stay and when a cloud comes
i just push it a way, who can deny the happiness from
the beauty of the morning, i only wish i can aways see its face
the wind running down its face
with a few birds flying away
the bright sun that shines every day
and i see those eye of an angel watching me
and these dark clouds in my mind
and if it had a choice it will leave and forget me
but i think the world that was created with
such a beautiful morning

Answers within

2006-10-27T01:19:00.000+02:00

looking up at the sky wondering why
i cry out to the clouds and tell them how
how i feel but i don't know why
they are so gray and unclear
just like my mind on this day
many feeling from different places
happiness with a smile
excitement at a laugh
peace and calmness just by a look
which i like i don't know
waiting for an answer now
but i know where to get this answer
the one like look for is with in this
mind that is clear and feels so rainy
but i can throw the fog a light
a light of happiness but not that one
its pure excitement that will fallow
but its not that one, pure light throw the fog
and there it is clam sweet and pure
a feeling long lost and believed to never return
there is is here now but i want to grab it
but how can i now, i fear a fear from the past
to reach out and grab it at last
but will it disappear like away with out a Trace
only now i start to see a new way to this peace
come oh come now i a wait you now

Tiered

2006-10-19T07:22:00.000+02:00

tiered, always feeling down
never having energy to move around
sleeping in place i should not sleep
both mentally and physically tiered
i would love so rest but can i find it
and where can i, i look for it in my
my bee at night but i get up every morning
i try to relax with my friends
but they are worthless
all i to is get tiered of them
time passes by and it all stays here
so tiered i can not write
morning is like the middle of then night
good night oh good night

Mind shake

2006-10-16T09:08:00.000+02:00

i feel a little relaxed but not batter
one of the things are over now
but i only wished i solve my problems
nothing i will do can solve the problems
in the back of my head filled with ideas
no more voices i cry out to you
stop the sleepless nights
can i have peace once and for all
but no i may not i have to find more
answers then before to things i want to know
i am not stupid i can see through all those lies
don't act like i am walking with out any mind
i see every thing lies and all come clean
or one day be wiped clean
i have to say my mind is filled with these ideas
that hurt me and causes pain to
every one around me with out see who or why
cry only if another tear can fall from my eye
and i wish only some can walk away from myself
a part of me that i don't like end this all
no more pain no more games no more fear
all over when the time is right they will all go away

Voices

2006-10-15T20:25:00.000+02:00

My head hurts it will not stop
voices from the past hunting me
the sights I see kill me
the whole world I see comes from my past to hunt me
seeing the faces that I see every day that I have been trying to run away from
people that I cant stand always around me
not being able to get away from this place that I have been in for some time
I hope I can see some where I have never been
crying is a feeling that is with me
things that causes me to think always happening around me
the voices in my head are becoming more painful thing to me
hate is some thing always feel
all I want is a little peace from this mind of mine
I want to get a way from this place so bad I cant do anything
I need some peace from this voices in my head
always thinking how and why, driving me crazy
nothing I do calm it down always hearing these voices
hope has left me for ever now and I cant see a future for me
I can even do what I must do with out think why or how to do it
simple a mentally destroyed by the voices in my head

It arrived

2006-10-13T00:42:00.000+02:00

It took some time but it finally came
why did it come I don't know
I have ran to the ends of the world
to get away from what is inevitable
it came with out me knowing about it
such evil such hate for what has happened
should have ever came
I hid it away for some time and
got as far away cant run no more for
it has found me and destroyed me
cry, let the tears of the past flow
with hope that this will be the end
to what has happened in the past
no more hunting and torment
it took years for one tear
oh sweet soul cry your sorrow away

Rage of a wild fire

2006-10-05T08:11:00.000+02:00

Here I am fire running throw me
I am stand ing right in front of you
why don't you say some thing like always do
or is it fearthat runs throw you
cry little boy I am here to do some thing
and I will hurt you if you do or don't
you are my target and that the end of it
I want to see you try to run from me you little shit
I am here for the time it take you finish you
the fire it burning throw me
devouring me to the point I about to release it
on to you just to get rid of you
the rage the hate that it with in me
and I will get rid of all of it just for you
your death will be seen by all and I may
be the one standing above you then
time to die, I will hunt you out until
you are where I want down in the ground.

Eyes of a queen

2006-10-01T01:32:00.000+03:00

Oh, good morning those eyes of an queen
the ruler of all beauty that is in this world
the one who calls to me in the morning
"good morning" for the first time I am in shock
I wonder for some time was it a mistake or
was the queen talking to some one other then me
that is what I thought and I was for sure it could not be me
for I am not worth this treat which is called blessing
but I was a subject at her will sitting with her but
far away for I still don't believe with in my self
but I look up for I cant not look at such beauty
and I find those eyes looking upon me
and she looks away from me in shyness
so I look away and there she does it again
and again for the longs period of time
I only hope I may have a word with the queen
but before I can get close she is gone
I look for any sign of her beauty but I can find her
and as I give up and start to walk away
I see her, her yes have changed filled with tears
tears of lose or sorrow, I don't know for I am
only human and she I much more then that
I feel like I have failed once again and walk away
now I will make it up the next time I see this angel
just one more chance and I will not fail you again

Stand high

2006-09-27T00:13:00.000+03:00

Its time to do what I have been working for
I freeze in my place not a move from me
not a word comes out of my mouth
I don't understand why I have been waiting
for this for some time now and I fail myself
I was there at my goal ant the place of judgment
I failed and have became this failure in life
I never had this problem before this day
why is this happening to me here and now
I never feared failing when I try but now
I fail of fear with out trying do to my past
failing has been painful in the past and
life is a circle that goes around and
ends up ion the same place I hope to try again
but I have been here before and I will stand up
to my fears and look them in their face and
make them fear me for I have become a king
that should be feared not afraid of my goals

Goal in the dark

2006-09-26T09:44:00.000+03:00

There is a goal in my head
and I can only hope I can do it
I look at my self in the mirror
you can do this for me its a new world
and I must stand up to my fears
open out my mouth and let it all out
my fist starts to sweet and my mouth is dry
nerves high in the are I hope only to be able
to do this I must do this to prove it all to me
cry out to myself wake up and fight
no more sleeping no more games
if you are here then you should stand up
in the face of what is hard to see and grab it
why cant we just get rid of our fears
walk to the goal and just say hello
game over you have won the game
just the fact that you stand up is a great step
no sit down and relax for its out of my hand
my moves over its now your good bye

Here but where

2006-09-19T15:46:00.001+03:00

Here in this place I don't know
a felling of happiness flows
though me and over me like
water under a waterfall
so happy that I have a hard time
believing it its to much to fell this flow
but deep in this soul I fell some thing else
pain a hate to some thing I don't like
I can stand this any more one feeling
one word should I know
any thing but here cry is all I want to
do but laugh is what I want to do
die is what I want but a live I am
life should be one way why am I here
it seems to be two way street
and I am in the middle of it
confused and want an answer to this
life I am livings in the end I am here

Dark truth

2006-09-16T08:41:00.000+03:00

Late at night I sit quite
in this house that is loud
I ask my self what I have
done and why I think the way I do
I sit for hours just wondering
about the stupidest things
I can not deny the facts that
run throw my head for I can
only see the truth of
silliness and waste of time
I have to do some thing with
in this life of mine
it is only one second in
the long time of life
I am here doing nothing
evil just evil that's all
taking time as a joke
before you know I will be die
and what would I have left behind
cry at the idea of the life we live

Extra time I don't need

2006-09-15T01:35:00.000+03:00

I sit down this boring night
nothing here just me and my mind
I have to say they is much that
I should be a fried of in this mind of mine
ideas that I don't really understand
but they are there waiting for me to try
to understand the unknown like all the time
because it knows me more then I know my self
I just hope this is not what I think it is
I see the face of a friend and a word
the eyes of an angel and a feeling
the smile of a dream and once more cry out
a past with a knife coming to me
some thing so small that problems me
fears that come alive and hunt me
what done this mean I don't know but
I only hope I can see what it all means
before its to late to do anything about what I see
people would say let me be
but not me help me for I don't know what happened
to this mind of mine good bye oh old friend
I will just need to wait and see what shall happen to me

I raise above my old self

2006-09-13T16:43:00.000+03:00

I sit on the floor and look up
there is was some thing new
I have never seen like it before
I changed my mind and tried my best
I spoke all right without a flaw
for what was before me fell down
from the skies and on to earth
the stones that is set in the face
the kind curves that are just in place
the hidden beauty I want to know
story came with such grace
and will leave this soul of mine
staying here in this small place
the limited time that I get to see
what truly is there is something large
a whole piece of life that I can have
but I stand up and walk away
for I deny my self to fall into the dark
bye oh friend and more then that
but I forgot to even know the name